


Whatcha Packing?

by Blaiddyd_Queso



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Biggus Dickus, Crack AU, Desk Sex, Dimitri is touched starved, Dom/sub Undertones, Established Relationship, F/M, Hand Jobs, Modern AU, Porn with Feelings, Security Guard, Spanking, Sylvain got vibed checked, Vaginal Sex, no beta we die like Dimitri on all routes except his
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-23 08:31:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21317212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blaiddyd_Queso/pseuds/Blaiddyd_Queso
Summary: Modern AUByleth is working as a security guard for a fancy boutique. Following her training, she stops a rather handsome blond man for inspection since his bulge is suspiciously large.Unknown to her, that blond man was the owner of the boutique, and also the owner of a large package.(This is based on the tweet where Dimitri is tagged in a news report titled: Man accused of shoplifting but bulge in his jeans was 10in penis)
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 43
Kudos: 232





	Whatcha Packing?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheStarChasr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStarChasr/gifts).

> OKAY, THIS IS MEANT AS A BREAK AND PRACTICE. PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS FIC TOO SERIOUSLY. In real life, some of these actions go against the law but this is more of a Crack AU type of fic. Please practice self-care before reading.
> 
> [It all began because of this tweet](https://twitter.com/Tactitiangirl/status/1191106671520575488?s=09)
> 
> I apologize for being unable to write porn without some sort of plot, or spontaneous sex. This is all I could muster and I appreciate all the support I received from twitter, discord and from [MissMillennium](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMillennium/pseuds/MissMillennium)
> 
> MissMillennium, this is for you. Thank you so much for putting up with me in discord while I wrote this.

* * *

Blaiddyd Co. is known for being an enterprise focused in the fashion arts and clothing brands. Throughout Faerghus, many young entrepreneurs were looking forward to seeking a job position hoping to achieve their dreams.

For Byleth however, a simple job like being a bodyguard was more than enough: ensure premises and property are protected against man-made threats at all times, provide leadership and guiding in emergencies, control and restore order in a crowd, prevent work accidents, note the people who get in and those who get out.

All those tasks were fairly easy, and it paid well. While standing in front of automatic doors almost 10 hours daily would be a monotonic and boring job for others, she found the little pleasures in them: you get the chance to observe the different people that visit the large shopping mall, and specifically, The Blue Lions fashion boutique.

Her stoic eyes would sometimes wander to the different clerks attending inside the shop, mostly noting how Dedue would always convince gentlemen into buying a high-cut suit, or how Annette made a suitable job organizing the boutique by color scheme and season; how Mercedes would help unique people to feel good about themselves whenever they sought clothes that perhaps society deemed not appropriate for their body types.

Byleth’s coworkers were lovely. Even if she hasn’t sparked an enjoyable conversation with them in these two new weeks at this job, she can already note that they are wonderful people; or at least, that they know what they are doing.

“I’m just going for a munch break. If anything happens that you’re uncertain, just hit me by the radio, okay?” Her thoughts were interrupted when her training buddy spoke.

“Understood.” She nodded, getting a soft smile from the woman with sparkling green eyes and short blond hair.

Byleth observed as Ingrid went into the shop, meeting along the way with Sylvain, who was preparing to go into the surveillance room; a smile escaped when she saw them briefly bickering before they went through a few doors.

She let out a soft sigh, looking outside for a moment. Ingrid spoke as if things were to escalate in five minutes; but today was Tuesday. Nothing ever happens today.

Or so she believed. Her eyes glimpsed blond strands of hair, forcing her to stare with full attention. There was a tall man observing a few displays from outside the shop; he was well fit, dressed properly for today’s rather cold morning, and seemed rather immersed into what he was viewing with his sparkling blue eyes.

_Eye_. She quickly corrected. The man felt her gaze and turned to see her, revealing the rest of his visage and the notorious black eyepatch. Byleth was offered a small smile, which she returned with an affirmative nod, acknowledging his presence.

“Good morning, it seems everyone is already caught in their tasks of the day.” The man spoke. She noted how hoarse but pleasant his voice was.

_Am I supposed to respond to his prompt for conversation?_ She wondered. _Different people visit this boutique, some humbler than others; I could take his words that he simply wishes to share idle chitchat or for his thoughts to be heard but with no feedback._

The man raised his eyebrows as he met with a blank slate, his smile not fading as he took a sip from the warm beverage in his hand; trying to analyze what could be behind those violet-blue eyes that barely shun any emotion; still, they were lovely.

She was rather lovely with that small hat and well-cut uniform that showed off her curves; it was almost a shame this youthful woman was working as a security guard instead of a model for the attires inside the shop.

“I apologize if I’m interfering with your job. It’s just that I have been here a few times this past week and never saw you… you’re new here?” He questioned next.

“I apologize, but if you had visited us this past week, I would have taken notice of you and kept your image in my thoughts.” She answered, bluntly.

He blinked, his cheeks suddenly warming up because of her honestly. “O—Oh…” She would take notice of him? Many people come into this boutique. For her to take notice of him and crisply remember him would mean that she found him charming or interesting enough to—

“It’s my job after all.” She added.

Ah.

“I—I see.” He mumbled, still smiling. His lone blue wandered to the tag on her chest, trying not to stare too long or else his intentions could be mistaken; though the view was lovely. “Byleth.” He looked at her. “Well, Byleth. Thank you for doing such a wonderful job. I hope your day is well met.”

“Likewise, splendid day to you, sir.” She nodded.

One last smile, but the man turned to enter the shop. He blinked when her arm raised lightly to catch his attention again.

“I apologize, but they do not permit beverages with no cap inside.” She explained.

He smiled again. “I see… do you mind if I finish my coffee beside you then?”

“Loitering is not permitted.”

He finally chuckles. Byleth either took her job rather too seriously; or didn’t know who he was. Perhaps both. Nevertheless, he was slowly being bewitched by it.

“You may enjoy the rest of your beverage in the lounging area, however.” She explained, extending her arm to offer a few seats that were outside in the main plaza. “or if you don’t mind the simplicity of this, you may take my seat.” She pointed to the tall stool beside her.

“I see, I’ll accept your kind offer gratefully.” The man nodded, sitting beside her while trying to adjust his large frame to the small seat. “You’re a hard worker, I’m sure your higher-ups would be really pleased with your actions…”

“Blaiddyd Co. strives for excellence. Our client’s satisfaction is our priority and the base of our honor. I can do no less for you, sir.”

He hides his grin behind his coffee again. “You may call me Dimitri, I’m sure we will meet often from now on…” His voice goes soft.

“I’ll take note to that,” Still stoic, but she turned his way to offer him a warm smile. “Mister Dimitri.”

Dimitri ended up staring at her for the longest time, even when she turned back to do her work.

Heavens, her smile was _mesmerizing._

He sipped his coffee slowly, quietly observing how one of his main shops kept striving from this point of view for a little while longer.

* * *

“Is this really happening right now?” Sylvain could barely contain his amused smile as he watched the scene happening before his eyes. “Talk about a bummer, I was looking forward to inviting her for some lunch later.”

“Why is Mister Dimitri not stopping her? He doesn’t seem the type to humiliate people like this…” Ashe mumbled, but he soon gasped as his eyes turned away from the surveillance footage and turn to see his boss. “W—What I mean to say is—is…”

Sylvain laughed at his reaction, giving him a gentle pat on his shoulder to ease him. “Relax, Ashe. In this company, we value honest opinions.”

Sylvain hummed as he kept looking at the footage, a grin escaping as he observed how his childhood friend seemed to melt when a security guard was patting along his chest and sides. “I share your inquiry, I will ask our boss why did he allow Byleth to take him for a second inspection indeed…”

It was obvious why. Byleth was smoking hot. A shame that she would be probably fired today.

“Hey, can you zoom closer to his face and fix the resolution of the image?” Sylvain requested, observing as Ashe worked on the keyboard to make the image shift to a higher definition. “Oh my…” He fought out a wheeze, observing how Dimitri’s pale cheeks were overwhelmed in red but seemed rather complacent of what was happening to him.

The way the blond was biting his bottom lip told him as much.

Away from the surveillance room, Dimitri was biting down on the small gasps that wished to escape from his throat.

_I apologize, sir, but I’m afraid I need to revise you._

Her words rang in his mind as her nimble and warm hands now pat along his sides and legs, his fingers aimlessly moving as he felt her digits digging into his starved touched muscles. This wasn’t the first time he was sent to a second inspection while visiting a shop, sadly a part of his body always brought conflicts to him.

However, he was never inspected in one of his own boutiques.

His now quivering blue stared at her passing the scanning bar over his body, lingering briefly on the culprit that sent him into this enclosed room in the first place.

“I apologize, these are standard procedures.” She tried to explain, getting no response from her sensor bar on the rather large bulge hiding behind Dimitri’s pants. This was nothing new for her; since she arrived here, Ingrid warned her that there were disgusting men that would grab a few ties and stick them inside their underwear to manage a clean steal; however, she also warned that some of them just did it so they could get inspected like this.

Byleth didn’t imagine Mister Dimitri to be the type to do either thing, but appearances can be deceiving.

Ashe gasped while Sylvain wheezed, the image in front of them now showed how Dimitri was undoing his belt and letting his pants down so Byleth could inspect the suspicious bulge in his underwear; the way Dimitri’s head fell back when her hand touched him made Sylvain laugh again.

Sylvain couldn’t wait to tell this to Felix.

“Aww… fun is over.” Sylvain cleared away a few tears since Ingrid had made her way to the inspection room; stopping Byleth from continuing.

* * *

Ingrid was baffled at Dimitri’s request after she ordered Byleth to return to the store’s entrance.

“You… don’t wish to file a report?” She asked. “I understand Byleth is new, but that doesn’t excuse her of what she did today. What she did to you.”

“It’s unnecessary,” Dimitri reassured, adjusting his clothes and himself. “She acted accordingly and never stepped boundaries.” He pulled his jacket in place, passing his large hands over his chest as he adjusted his shirt and vest.

“Dimitri, she touched your di—” Ingrid didn’t even finish the sentence, her cheeks flaring red. “Oh, my goodness. I’m so, so sorry…”

“It’s all well.” Dimitri still spoke calmly. “Just make sure this doesn’t repeat with anyone else—with anyone.” He corrected immediately, clearing his throat. “Whenever these situations arise, explain to her it’s best to call the police.”

“I—I will! This behavior will end today.” Ingrid nodded, offering a brief bow. “Still, are you certain you don’t wish to file a suspension at least?”

“Ingrid, that’s enough.” Dimitri chided. “Affecting her paycheck won’t make her understand. It’s better she keeps working for us in peace.” He explained, sighing softly as he adjusted his hair. “As a reminder, please don’t tell her who I am. I don’t wish for her to quit out of embarrassment.”

“A—Are you certain?” Ingrid raised an eyebrow.

“Positive. She’s interesting… I wish to understand her train of thought in the comfort of being just another stranger for a little longer.” Deep inside, he wished for the incident to repeat; though a smaller voice in his mind was calling him out on it.

_Goodness, her hands were so warm. _He thought, blushing at the memory.

Ingrid’s mouth went flat. She wouldn’t call someone a stranger after touching their groin. “I shall do it as you say, Dimitri.”

“Thank you.” He offered a sincere smile. “Also… please delete the surveillance footage… I don’t want Sylvain using it against me, less in front of Felix.”

To Dimitri’s poor luck, however, Sylvain had already sent the footage to Felix.

* * *

It kept happening every week that Dimitri came to verify The Blue Lion boutique; same time, same day. The inspection was no longer that invasive, but her hands still felt like heaven whenever they just pat on not so dangerous areas.

Felix pressured him to speak up, Sylvain told him to keep enjoying the ride; Ingrid told him he was using her. Under his demons and angel counseling, he finally presented himself to Byleth.

Her response would haunt him delightfully for the rest of his days.

“I see. I apologize Mister Blaiddyd, but my manual doesn’t specify exceptions for coworkers or owners.” Her tone was serious and concise.

Dimitri ended up inviting her for some lunch.

He kept going. Her hands kept searching. It was no longer lunch and coffee breaks; soon it became dates and home visits. Her touches soon inspected him on his bed, his lips searched around her skin and between her folds in response.

Byleth was so lovely, so soft. Her heart was in the right place; working to sustain herself but also to support a community center in her area by providing free reading classes; soon enough, Dimitri supported the center as well.

She had left college despite she wished to stay, unable to pay tuition and book fees; he could fix that, he could so easily fix that and more. He wished for her to come to live with him, explore the world together when she has free time between her study times.

Hell, he wished to marry her.

However, Byleth was so stubborn.

“I enjoy working.” She told him. “It brings fulfillment to my heart. Please, step aside from the door, you’re becoming an environmental hazard, Mister Blaiddyd.”

He argued, he explained that she could keep working after going back to school and receiving her Bachelor degree.

“I will keep saving funds and then return to school.” Her tone was stoic, yet her eyes were warm; familiarity dwelled in them.

“What would happen if I fired you? Would you accept my proposal then?”

“No, I would fire a lawsuit. Hmm, that would give me enough funds to continue my studies…” She mumbled as her body fell into a pensive position.

That night, Dimitri visited a bar with his friends; Sylvain offering him a few pats on his back while Felix only snickered at his pathetic state.

“Just let her work. Byleth is good at her job and keeps all of us safe. If you really want to help her, don’t make her choose; that’s actually pathetic.” Sylvain hummed, rubbing his friend’s back as his body met the table where they sat.

“I don’t want her working. I don’t want her touching other people…” Dimitri mumbled, a few hiccups escaping him as Sylvain had deviously offered more drinks than he could handle. “I just want her with me. _She’s so soft and I love her_…”

“Hah, look at you. Why would anyone want to spend a life with you? Why would anyone accept your supposed help?” Felix sneered. “You’re trying to trap her. She would prefer to go with anyone else than to stay with you. You controlling and insecure boar.” He sneaks a few peanuts into his mouth, “Hell, she needs nobody.”

Dimitri cried, stuttering into a few hiccups.

“Felix, what the hell man!” Sylvain groaned, throwing some peanuts to the irked man so he would shut up. “Hey, don’t listen to him!” He shook Dimitri’s frame. “I—I mean, Felix is right! Still, I know your intentions are well—you just need to portray them correctly!”

“You can start by not making the alarms sound every time you leave the store where she works,” Felix grumbled. “Leave through the back door, like you’re supposed to.”

“B—But she doesn’t guard the back door…” Dimitri sniffed.

Sylvain spurt into riots of laughter, while Felix rubbed his temples.

* * *

Byleth stared at him blankly as she was called to her boss’s office. She expected to find Sylvain but met with Dimitri instead. Her lips curved for a moment, but soon made them go thin, preparing for what was coming next.

“A paid twelve-month leave,” Dimitri argued. “You finish school, you come live with me and come back to work.”

“No.” A calm response. “Do I need to report you to HR for harassment?” She fought off a smile when his eyebrows furrowed and his lips twisted, a pout. Dimitri was born into wealth. To be denied something he desires is something he isn’t accustomed to. “Since I’m here, tell me. Will the alarms sound when you step out?”

No response, but his breathing hitched.

“I see.” Her hands rest behind her back, fingers moving slightly. “Spare us both the embarrassment and give me the tags.” She offered a hand after a few seconds.

Defeated, Dimitri stood up from his seat. Searching into his jacket for the tags and giving them to her. A gasp escaped him when in a quick movement she turned him around, both of her hands suddenly patting along his sides.

“I can’t trust you gave me all the tags now, can I?” She challenged, using one of her legs to prop open Dimitri’s stance. “I’m sorry, but I will need you to accompany me for a 2nd inspection.” She whispered, her voice sultry and inviting.

His cheeks soon turned red, the heat crawling to his ears and neck as her fingers pressed slowly along his sides. “W—What…” He spoke breathlessly, quickly catching on to her implication. He rested his hands on the desk in front of him, looking for support.

One of her hands kept him in place by grabbing unto his hip, the other one already scanning throughout his chest and tough stomach. Her fingers quickly undid whatever button that she found, the anticipation building in her chest while sudden hotness pooled between her legs. “What is this?” She questioned as her fingers met one of his nipples, twisting the sensitive peak as she pressed her body against him. “Have you attached merchandise unto your body as a last resort?”

“N—No, mam.” He fought off a moan, soon biting his lower lip as her fingers meticulously pinched and pulled. “H—Heavens, Byleth…”

“Is this what you were hoping to receive for your brief visits?” She pressed on as her other hand undid his belt, quickly making his pants meet his ankles. Her mouth watered, just imagining the promiscuous tent forming in his underwear and how the fabric must be slowly damping with his pre-cum.

Her hands exchanged places, wishing to temper with his other nipple while the other slowly and painfully passed on the side of his leg and well-formed buttocks; her nose dipping into his back to take in his scent and enjoy the way his body shivered.

Her hand finally met the large tent in Dimitri’s underwear, giving it a hard squeeze to make the large man gasp. “What is this?” Her grip adjusted, trying to feel his member and balls at the same time; failing miserably, but she was too greedy to not try at least.

“I...” He bit his lip when she rubbed his member with an open palm, his throat letting out a gruff moan. 

“My, my. Mister Dimitri, bringing weaponry into these premises is illegal. Is it loaded?” She hummed at his sudden whimper. “It’s surely heavy. I will need to verify if only to ensure your own safety.” She pressed on, her other hand now punishing his nipple with gentle flicks. 

Dimitri dug his fingers unto the black oak desk, his hands soon splaying across papers and other office items that quickly met the floor as he melted to her touch. “Ahh—Goddess…” A moan followed when her hand finally gripped his pleading sex under his underwear, her thumb teasingly rubbing over his head, smearing his pre-cum around. “B—Beloved, please…”

He begged, unsure if he was begging for her to stop or continue. Anyone passing through the hall could hear them; if anyone enters the office without knocking would see their act. “S—Someone may come in…” The word of reason won, and she punished him with it when her thumb stopped but lingered there.

“Oh…” She hummed, kissing his expensive jacket to mark it with a rosy lipstick. “A shame. I thought you wished for me to leave this job…” Her hand moved again, this time working to give him a few tight squeezes while trying to please his whole member. “If they catch us, I would have no other option than to leave…”

Like a switch being flicked to the other side, Dimitri moaned more openly after a rough sigh escaped; even if he wished to be quiet, he couldn’t. Her breasts felt so soft and warm against him, while her hand would deliver him with glorious pumps.

“B—Byleth.” Her name escaped him like a prayer, louder each time. A low moan followed when his underwear soon met the ground, her free hand grasping one of his buttocks freely; she pinched, she slapped. Heavens, he was slowly coming undone while standing so casually in his friend’s office.

“Look at you. Being this gorgeous should be a crime...” She praised him as her open palm met his ass, the slap landing deliciously. 

“Curse you!” He hissed, pleasantly. His mouth hung low when her hand met his buttock again, the sting made all his nerves burn while a small trail of saliva escaped as he tried to bite down any more sounds. 

Failing miserably.

He suddenly let out a soft whine, freezing Byleth’s movements instantly. His breathing was ragged, a few tears caught in his eyelashes as the pleasure was so overwhelming; however, her voice slowly calmed him down.

“Are you all right?” Her hand went away from his member, offering soothing circle motions on his stomach while her other offered gentle caresses on his redden buttock. “Do you want me to stop?” Her voice was soft, slightly worried as Dimitri kept panting.

“Goddess, no. I just can’t take your toying any longer.” He gruffly answered, turning around slightly to grab her, pushing her softly against the desk while his hands desperately worked to uncover her and finally see her precious skin.

They soon filled the office with their combined heavy breathing. Both of them aching for each other as arousal took control of all their senses. With her shirt undone and her lower undergarments placed aside, his cock soon aligned with her entrance; teasingly passing over her wet slit and poking softly against her clit. “You’re quitting, today.” He huskily stated, moaning when his head pressed into her and she immediately welcomed with a tight squeeze.

“W—What happened to the paid leave?” She barked back playfully, her hand clumsily searching over the desk until she found the small contract, throwing it at him. “Y—You’re so fast to go back on your word.” Her head fell back when Dimitri’s member pushed forward, stealing all air from her lungs while her entire body shivered.

He didn’t answer any longer, even if he did it wouldn’t have mattered since she could not make coherent sounds when his hips almost met hers in a repetitive motion; her legs soon caught against her body as his large hands pressed them back.

“D—Dimitri!” She cried out as he pressed more of his member into her, only a part of him staying out since nothing more could fit. Her arms were over her head, hands holding down to the edge of the desk as her body was fucked by him senselessly.

“You drive me mad.” He stated lovingly as he kept moving, breathing becoming heavier while desire clouded his words. His hips draw out. “You’re coming to live with me.” He then pushed inside, hitting her sweet spot; immediately receiving one of her pleasurable cries. “You’re leaving with me today.” He repeated the motion over and over until her lips would only mouth the word he has been dying to hear.

“Yes, yes! Oh goddess, yes!” Her screams were ardent, no longer muffled by shame that was never present in the first place. He freed her legs from his grasp, allowing the limbs to stretch freely before wrapping around his hips; one of his hands quickly making its way to stimulate her clit and receive her tight clenches as a reward.

“I love you so much, my beloved.” A weak moan, voice already breaking since his orgasm was coming close. Her glimmering skin, her large bouncing breasts, her words, and touches; it was too much to bear.

However, she came first. Whimpering and her complete body becoming tense as her orgasm transformed her into a furnace. Her stomach fluttered, her mind unclouded while a wave of easiness over washed her whole being for a moment; only coming back to the present time to keep feeling her beloved’s thickness still using her oversensitive entrance.

His release was just as heavy, and great guilt invaded her as she wasn’t strong enough to keep her eyes open to see him, but she could imagine it: face fully flushed, mouth hanging open as that beautiful sapphire stares at her with adoration and hunger.

They panted together, both of them sharing a smile when their gazes could meet. Her arms soon wrapped around him when he lowered himself, her lips giving away sweet kisses against his jaw and cheek as he stayed still.

“You’re lucky we are in a building full of clothes, or else I would have nothing to wear…” She hummed, noting her ruined shirt and underwear.

“You had no need for this uniform in any case…” He whispers,smiling when she tugged on his hair in retaliation.

They finally shared a kiss, soft and sweet. That alone was enough to make his cock need to act again, hardening while still being inside of her.

Both of them froze, however, when the door flung open and a familiar voice came in through.

“Mister Dimitri, Sylvain wants to know—Ahhh!” Ashe’s words cut off immediately when he met with Dimitri’s exposed ass, his hands soon covering his face, hiding his embarrassment. “I’m so—so sorry!” The boy quivered before rushing out of the office, closing the door roughly.

Dimitri had done his best to cover Byleth’s frame, being successful but with the price of leaving his own nudeness exposed. He turned to see Byleth, unsurprised that she had no particular reaction to what just happened; unlike her, his face was soon exploding with color.

“I—I’m sorry.” He apologized, trying to move away from her, but she made him stay. “B—Beloved…”

“Seems I will have no other choice than to leave.” She hummed, her fingers digging into his sides to make him laugh; his laughs soon turning into moans.

Ashe had already caught them. One more round couldn’t bring any more harm.

* * *

“Hey kiddo, what are you doing here?” Sylvain questioned with a smile, staring at Ashe who was sitting on one of the stairs connecting the first floor with the second. “Did you deliver my message to Dimitri?”

“Uh—Uhh, he was busy! Very busy!” Ashe covered his face. “Pleasedon’tgointoyouroffice!”

“Not go into my office?” Sylvain caught his quivering words. “Hey, why are your ears so red? What’s going on?”

He then connected the dots.

“Are they fucking in my office!”

To no one’s surprise, Byleth presented her resignation that day.

**Author's Note:**

> \---  
Apologies if tags, grammar, and notes are constantly updated, there are kind people who give me feedback on certain things so I try to fix it right away. I'm sorry for those first readers who get to see this shit show so raw, you are truly the heroes of this community💕  
\----  
This story explores the characters from 3H. I apologize if anyone is offended with this interpretation.


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